A Reflection on Writing Lives Well-Lived: I Remember Baubie and Zadie

It’s been eighteen years since I wrote and published Lives Well Lived: I Remember Baubie and Zadie and thirty years since Baubie Jenny Epstein passed in the summer of 1984. Zadie Sam Epstein followed her in early 1985—soon to be 30 yrs.

Reflecting on this passage of time, I’m struck with the potency of Baubie Jenny and Zadie Sam’s unconditional love. I still feel them in the same way with the same intensity I felt them when I was in their physical presence. Time has not diminished or dulled this feeling.

A question my Mother, Ida Halperin, asked not too long before her passing in August of 2013—may shed some light on why time has not altered my feeling of being so loved. After telling her a story about Baubie and Zadie, she threw her hands in the air to punctuate her awe of my memory:

“Diane, how do you bring to mind everything about so many memories? You remember what was said, what was not said, where you were, colors, and smells. Every little thing, you remember. How do you do that?”

I was so pleased that I could answer her question: “When I was a child, Mom, and I was with Baub or Zade or you or Dad or anyone I loved— feeling happy or excited or loved or filled to the brim with gladness, I always wanted to remember the moment exactly how I felt it in that original moment.

So, in my mind’s eye, I would take a little “brownie camera” (a camera that was popular in the 40’s and 50’s) complete with flash attachment”, and say:

“Click”.  Then I would say: “I’ll always, always, always remember this.” But it wasn’t just a picture I was remembering; it was a hologram complete with smells, color, sounds, and feelings. All I have to do to remember how I felt is step into those holograms—mind, body, and spirit. Step into that original excitement and love and anticipation of a good time, AND I’M THERE!” Being totally immersed in that moment allows me to describe in detail what I’m experiencing.”

“Oh, now I see. Well, Honey, that’s a wonderful thing. I hope you always have that ability.” I loved that she understood what I had communicated.

My Highest Prayer is to elicit a personal, visceral experience of unconditional love for everyone that reads my book. As we reflect on our lives, we can probably identify a “Baubie” and a “Zadie”. They aren’t necessarily a member of our family. These special people might have been a neighbor, friend, acquaintance,  “adopted elder”, or concerned other.

Somehow, they communicated, verbally or non-verbally, that we mattered, were seen, valued, and loved. The Light of those Beloveds is the same as Baubie and Zadie’s Light.

“If my remembering stories of Baubie and Zadie’ gifts, stimulates your remembering, I’m glad and the purpose of my writing this book is fulfilled.  Each of us has an opportunity to identify those “Angels in human clothing” and thank them by embodying unconditional love and passing it on.

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